Forgive. Forgive and forget. Forgive us our sins. I guess it is a given that we will offend people by our actions or words and have to ask for forgiveness, of this I'm sure. What is not sure however, is if we actually will be forgiven. Haven't you hurt someone, begged for forgiveness, only for the person to hurt you back then remind you of what you did? They also remind you that payback is a deadly bitch. Whatever happened to just letting go? People don't forgive anymore. "An eye for an eye" seems to be gaining popularity.
Children forgive though. You can take a little girl's toy from her, ignore all her screams and pleas for you to return it, even hiss when she says "you're not my friend again." But the next day, call her to play and she seems not to remember what you did. She'll be smiling, laughing with so much energy that thee is none left to keep malice. Kids are really blessed.
Adults on the other hand lead totally different lives. You could say the wrong thing and a woman can hate you for years. One mistake and a man writes you off as a bad person, maybe even for life. Since when did we become perfect beings?
I used to be a kid once (you berra believe it), very playful and forgiving but the world changes us all, innocence is lost and the 'world' replaces that child-like quality purity we all had once. I think to NOT forgive would be bitter and bitterness makes you old. The true visual of bitterness is a frowning heart, imagine that. How can you live long?
Any piece of negativity you store within, evolves to form a poison that does not harm the person who seeks your forgiveness as much as you, the consumer of that poison. It is life that makes us hurt one another but you must see that you also have faults that should be forgiven, you must free yourself of this bondage.
This is why I once called her and said "You can reach me anytime if you need my help", not because I am a fool but because I prefer to forgive and be forgiven in return. I know I've offended many but I refuse to stay offended and I pray to continue to find that grace to let go. So far, it has made me a much better person that I thought I would be. Forgive and it is you who is freed. Gulp Gulp {hic-hic}
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Decency (One Word, One Page: Influenced by Red Wine)
Decency. When I was much younger someone told me that it was not common to find decent people mind the bush. It was an insult but I went home confused and not slightly. I checked it up and 'decent' proved to be quite vague, frankly it was a word used to describe other qualities I already knew about.
Decency is dependent on the context with which it is used but it it generally means 'to be good'. In the area of sexuality, decency means to not be unnecessarily flirtatious or promiscuous, as regards ones personality. One may say "Zino is a fairly decent chap" and mean he is a responsible guy. But permit me to explore another level of decency.
My friend, Ifeduku (invented name. creative, huh?), just told me a story. On his way to a marriage ceremony he gave someone a lift, a stranger. When they got to the junction where this stranger was meant to get off, there was some hold up so he decided to quickly come down and the person at the back seat opened his door to come up front (no one wanted Ifeduku to look like a driver, I suppose). This is when chaos started. The traffic eased up at the same time this switch was taking place and although Ifeduku realized he wasn't properly parked and was blocking people behind him, he also was banking on the patience of the other drivers to allow him five seconds before moving again.
Before he could say 'akara', a lady appeared in front of his car and screamed "GET THIS CAR OUT OF THE ROAD, LET OTHER PEOPLE PASS' and then she hit the hood of his car with the flat of her palm. Now, my guy knew he was wrong for transferring passengers while still on the road but really, did she need to take it out on his car? His reaction as swift: he put the car in gear and moved forward a bit - careful not to run into her - then he frowned at her, clearly expressing his displeasure at the way she handled his car.
This angered her. She approached his car again and hit it a few times, even harder than the last time. "IS THIS A CAR? IS THIS EVEN A CAR? CAN THIS CAR BE COMPARED TO THE WORST OF MY HUSBAND'S CARS? She even dropped her handbag and asked him pop and plain if he wanted to fight her.
Ifeduku was really really provoked, boiling inside was a more accurate description but he weighed the situation. Was he angry enough to reply violence with violence, fire for fire style? Maybe. Did he feel it was best for him to be seen exchanging blows with a riff-raff thug on the street, a woman at that? NO.
He silently swallowed the stone of embarrassment, controlled his anger and drove off, fuming all the way home. That my friends is decency in display. But then again, I'm tipsy on red wine as we speak. What do I know?
Decency is dependent on the context with which it is used but it it generally means 'to be good'. In the area of sexuality, decency means to not be unnecessarily flirtatious or promiscuous, as regards ones personality. One may say "Zino is a fairly decent chap" and mean he is a responsible guy. But permit me to explore another level of decency.
My friend, Ifeduku (invented name. creative, huh?), just told me a story. On his way to a marriage ceremony he gave someone a lift, a stranger. When they got to the junction where this stranger was meant to get off, there was some hold up so he decided to quickly come down and the person at the back seat opened his door to come up front (no one wanted Ifeduku to look like a driver, I suppose). This is when chaos started. The traffic eased up at the same time this switch was taking place and although Ifeduku realized he wasn't properly parked and was blocking people behind him, he also was banking on the patience of the other drivers to allow him five seconds before moving again.
Before he could say 'akara', a lady appeared in front of his car and screamed "GET THIS CAR OUT OF THE ROAD, LET OTHER PEOPLE PASS' and then she hit the hood of his car with the flat of her palm. Now, my guy knew he was wrong for transferring passengers while still on the road but really, did she need to take it out on his car? His reaction as swift: he put the car in gear and moved forward a bit - careful not to run into her - then he frowned at her, clearly expressing his displeasure at the way she handled his car.
This angered her. She approached his car again and hit it a few times, even harder than the last time. "IS THIS A CAR? IS THIS EVEN A CAR? CAN THIS CAR BE COMPARED TO THE WORST OF MY HUSBAND'S CARS? She even dropped her handbag and asked him pop and plain if he wanted to fight her.
Ifeduku was really really provoked, boiling inside was a more accurate description but he weighed the situation. Was he angry enough to reply violence with violence, fire for fire style? Maybe. Did he feel it was best for him to be seen exchanging blows with a riff-raff thug on the street, a woman at that? NO.
He silently swallowed the stone of embarrassment, controlled his anger and drove off, fuming all the way home. That my friends is decency in display. But then again, I'm tipsy on red wine as we speak. What do I know?
Monday, August 16, 2010
Searching (One Word, One Page: Influenced by Red Wine)
Searching. It's one of the most difficult things to do- search. Fortunately, one is rewarded in the event that the searching leads to finding. I think our lives may very well be a continuous game of search and find, from one thing to another, searching for answers today, then questions tomorrow. Searching for happiness tonight then pain at dawn. Strange, isn't it?
Today, I searched for my car keys for two whole hours, backtracking through every step I took and running through places I didn't even pass, no way! It was almost as if my keys had grown legs and taken a stroll.
To make matters worse, I felt really exhausted at the time and the frustration of searching and coming up empty made me even more weary. Then the question popped up: Do you think we lose parts of ourselves? Do we lose these parts in the same way we would lose a key?Do we ever retrace our steps with the hope of discovering a certain quality we think we have lost? It may be happiness, strength, may be love or peace of mind.
As life goes on, we find that qualities we possessed so firmly, leave us; we simply wake up changed, some notice it, other don't then our habits adjust a bit and we find new qualities. Or is it just me?
My key still remains lost and something tells me that just like some of the qualities I lost as a child and the ones I left behind as a teenager, my keys are not coming back. I can see it in my mind, lodged in some dark corner, staring at me, maybe with an odd smile on its face. Probably saying "See this Okpe!"
But what can we do? Do we search-till-we-drop for things that are determined to stay lost or is it okay to give up at some point and fish for alternatives. For I know that as a person, I have chosen to be lost to some people, never to be found regardless of how hard they try to seek me out. So also, have I scraped and dug, searching for a jewel I was convinced only my eyes could see, a person I wanted so badly to have. It didn't always end well.
Everyday, I search for success, respect, purpose, meaning, me, glory, love, true love, the one, sometimes the other ones, laughter, peace but most of all I search for a way (back) home. Not talking about a house to lay my head or some place where I once lived in.
To me, home is ME - when all was peaceful. HOME is me at a future time I have dreamed about, HOME is me at a time when I know the answers to questions that I'm currently asking.
I am still searching. What about you?
Today, I searched for my car keys for two whole hours, backtracking through every step I took and running through places I didn't even pass, no way! It was almost as if my keys had grown legs and taken a stroll.
To make matters worse, I felt really exhausted at the time and the frustration of searching and coming up empty made me even more weary. Then the question popped up: Do you think we lose parts of ourselves? Do we lose these parts in the same way we would lose a key?Do we ever retrace our steps with the hope of discovering a certain quality we think we have lost? It may be happiness, strength, may be love or peace of mind.
As life goes on, we find that qualities we possessed so firmly, leave us; we simply wake up changed, some notice it, other don't then our habits adjust a bit and we find new qualities. Or is it just me?
My key still remains lost and something tells me that just like some of the qualities I lost as a child and the ones I left behind as a teenager, my keys are not coming back. I can see it in my mind, lodged in some dark corner, staring at me, maybe with an odd smile on its face. Probably saying "See this Okpe!"
But what can we do? Do we search-till-we-drop for things that are determined to stay lost or is it okay to give up at some point and fish for alternatives. For I know that as a person, I have chosen to be lost to some people, never to be found regardless of how hard they try to seek me out. So also, have I scraped and dug, searching for a jewel I was convinced only my eyes could see, a person I wanted so badly to have. It didn't always end well.
Everyday, I search for success, respect, purpose, meaning, me, glory, love, true love, the one, sometimes the other ones, laughter, peace but most of all I search for a way (back) home. Not talking about a house to lay my head or some place where I once lived in.
To me, home is ME - when all was peaceful. HOME is me at a future time I have dreamed about, HOME is me at a time when I know the answers to questions that I'm currently asking.
I am still searching. What about you?
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