Searching. It's one of the most difficult things to do- search. Fortunately, one is rewarded in the event that the searching leads to finding. I think our lives may very well be a continuous game of search and find, from one thing to another, searching for answers today, then questions tomorrow. Searching for happiness tonight then pain at dawn. Strange, isn't it?
Today, I searched for my car keys for two whole hours, backtracking through every step I took and running through places I didn't even pass, no way! It was almost as if my keys had grown legs and taken a stroll.
To make matters worse, I felt really exhausted at the time and the frustration of searching and coming up empty made me even more weary. Then the question popped up: Do you think we lose parts of ourselves? Do we lose these parts in the same way we would lose a key?Do we ever retrace our steps with the hope of discovering a certain quality we think we have lost? It may be happiness, strength, may be love or peace of mind.
As life goes on, we find that qualities we possessed so firmly, leave us; we simply wake up changed, some notice it, other don't then our habits adjust a bit and we find new qualities. Or is it just me?
My key still remains lost and something tells me that just like some of the qualities I lost as a child and the ones I left behind as a teenager, my keys are not coming back. I can see it in my mind, lodged in some dark corner, staring at me, maybe with an odd smile on its face. Probably saying "See this Okpe!"
But what can we do? Do we search-till-we-drop for things that are determined to stay lost or is it okay to give up at some point and fish for alternatives. For I know that as a person, I have chosen to be lost to some people, never to be found regardless of how hard they try to seek me out. So also, have I scraped and dug, searching for a jewel I was convinced only my eyes could see, a person I wanted so badly to have. It didn't always end well.
Everyday, I search for success, respect, purpose, meaning, me, glory, love, true love, the one, sometimes the other ones, laughter, peace but most of all I search for a way (back) home. Not talking about a house to lay my head or some place where I once lived in.
To me, home is ME - when all was peaceful. HOME is me at a future time I have dreamed about, HOME is me at a time when I know the answers to questions that I'm currently asking.
I am still searching. What about you?
touching...just what i needed, this is very nice.
ReplyDeleteThanks Chinma. Glad you liked it
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